Insert Proper Title Here
by The Sacred Feminine
Summary: AU Different characters of the Harry Potter books react to the realization that someone Fancies them. And how they find out. Different pairings. Warnings in chapters. Pairings: SSHP, LVHP
1. Severus Snape and Harry Potter

**A/N-So I came up with this idea while reading a few stories (mostly HPSS) and thought it would be funny to write. I hope you like it!**

**General warnings-**As the "story" goes on, there will be some guy/guy or girl/girl (cause that's just the way I am) pairings. I'm sorry if you don't like it. I will warn you at the beginning of each "chapter" what the pairing is.

As well, for all of you out there who hate it when stories are AU, I suggest that you get away from this story fast. Each person will be incredibly out of character. So again, if you don't like it, don't read it.

**Chapter warnings**- SLASH. BOY/BOY LOVIN'. AU. MINOR LANGUAGE USE.

**Pairing- **SS/HP

**Summary-** Severus never meant to fall in love with the Gryffindor Golden Boy. It just sort of happened. So when he does, he takes matters into his own hands about dealing with it. Needless to say, Fire whiskey was probably not the smartest thing to turn to.

**And so we begin**

Severus stared gloomily into his cup. It was filled to the brim with fire whiskey and he was wondering how he could drink it as he knew it would spill the minute he picked it up. That was when he noticed the quill sitting on his desk.

It was a new quill that he didn't particularly like but he saw the boy had one just like it so he bought about a hundred of them. It never hurt to be prepared.

He picked it up and waved his wand sloppily. It turned into a straw, miraculously… Albeit a funny looking one.

He put the straw into the cup and started sucking. When he finished he tipped the glass upside down and frowned, noticing nothing was in it.

"I could have sworn there was something in there…" He puzzled over this for a while before getting up to search for… Well, whatever was supposed to be in the cup…

"Now, then, If I was supposed to be in a cup, where would I be…?" His eyes lit up and he strode over to a cupboard. He opened it and stared up at all the cups. "In a cup of course… Unless I wasn't in a cup…" He closed the cabinet and stared forlornly around the room.

Just as he was about to ask him self what he was looking for, there was a knock on the door.

"Visitors!" He squealed (yes, squealed) in delight.

He opened the door and saw… A broom. That was strange…

He closed the door to his broom cupboard and turned around. He was about to go find out what happened to what was in his cup when there was another knock at the door. He turned around and opened the door again. He saw the broom.

Giving it his best glare, he pulled it out and threw it at the wall, where it promptly clattered to the floor, lying there motionless.

Severus smiled triumphantly and went to sit down at his desk. Before he got there however, there was another knock. He spun around but the broom hadn't moved. Looking suspiciously around the room, he called out, "Come in…"

He heard a door behind him open and he spun around coming face to face with… _Him._

"Potter. Why, may I ask, are you here?"

Potter looked decidedly nervous. "You said I had detention tonight sir…" He shifted backwards slightly. "You told me to come at precisely 11:59 and not a minute later. So…"

Severus narrowed his eyes in thought. Then he remembered. The boy had melted a cauldron during potions that day.

"Yes, yes of course…" He said off hand. "Follow me." He knew exactly how to go about this detention.

"What am I to do sir?" Potter asked, following his professor into the sitting room.

Severus held out the cup and said, "I had something in this cup. I don't know what it was but it was in there. I want you to help me find it."

Potter had the gall to smirk at him before he said, "Professor, I think that we'll have to go more in depth to this… Mystery. I will ask you a series of questions and I want you to answer with the first thing that comes to mind, okay?" Potter looked like he was talking to a six year old.

Severus nodded anyway and sat down on his couch. He started intently at Potter intently, waiting for him to continue.

The boy wiped the smirk off his face and began, "Was what was in the cup, alive?"

"No," Severus answered.

"Was it ever alive a one point in time?"

"No."

"Was it a liquid or a solid?"

"Liquid."

"Was it alcohol?"

"Yes."

"Was it fire whiskey?"

"Yes."

"Did you by any chance drink it all with a funny looking straw I saw on your desk?"

"Yes."

"Do you love me?"

"Yes."

Potter smiled and stood up. "Well, I think my work here is done. If that is all, professor, I think I'll be going." He turned around and walked to the door.

"Harry, wait!" Severus yelled.

'Harry' stopped and turned around, his eyebrows raised. "Did you just call me Harry?"

Severus looked up at the ceiling. "No," He said.

Harry smirked, "Liar." He took a few steps forward, put his hand behind Severus' head and tilted it down. He closed his eyes and leaned up to kiss the older man. Before Severus could figure out what was going on, however, Harry stepped away, waved and, quite literally, skipped out of the room.

**The End**

**A/N-I like it. As I said, out of character. I personally think Severus would be an angry drunk but in my story I feel he should be a slightly confused drunk. I like it. Please review!**


	2. Voldemort and Harry Potter

**General warnings-**As the "story" goes on, there will be some guy/guy or girl/girl (cause that's just the way I am) pairings. I'm sorry if you don't like it. I will warn you at the beginning of each "chapter" what the pairing is.

As well, for all of you out there who hate it when stories are AU, I suggest that you get away from this story fast. Each person will be incredibly out of character. So again, if you don't like it, don't read it.

**Chapter Warning**-AU. SLASH. BOY BOY LOVIN. INCEST. LANGUAGE USE

**Pairing**-LV/HP. As in, red-eyed, -no nose, snake looking Voldie. NOT TOM. I REPEAT NOT TOM

**Summary**-What do you do when you fall in love with your enemy? Why profess your undying love for them of course. Cheesy music, muggle microphone and snake man included. No assembly required. Reckless Gryffindor courage a must.

**And so we begin**

"Muggle microphone? Check. Cheesy country song? Check. Reckless Gryffindor courage? Check. Red-eyed snake man to profess undying love to? Check. Okay. Looks like I'm ready…"

Harry took a deep breath and knocked on the door to the huge manor. The door opened and Harry looked down to see a small house elf.

"Yes sir, how are you sir? Can Kinney help you sir?" The house elf said quickly.

"Yes," Harry replied, "I want to see Voldemort." He peeked in the door trying to get a look at him.

"Master Dark Lord is busy, sir. Kinney is not supposed to interrupt, sir. Please leave, sir." Kinney started to close the door but Harry held out a hand to stop it. He pushed it open and walked in a few steps. After looking around he turned back to the elf.

"Where is he? You don't have to interrupt him, I will. Just point me in the right direction." He smiled mischievously at the elf.

The elf gulped nervously but led the way through the winding halls to a large door. Harry smiled at the elf again. "Thank you."

The elf, eyes wide, nodded and disappeared with a '_pop_'. Harry turned back to the door and knocked.

There was a sound of breaking glass. And a few curses.

Then that voice floated out through the door. It was angelic.

"Kinney! You damn elf! I told you not to bother me when I'm plotting! Remove yourself from outside my door and leave me alone!"

Harry smirked. That was so like him. He opened the door and stepped in, closing the door behind him quietly. There he was in all his glory.

Voldemort looked up from his desk and was going to shout something until he saw who his visitor was.

"Ahhh, Hello Mr. Potter," He sneered, "What a… Delightful surprise."

Harry just smiled and took out his muggle microphone. He cleared his throat and began to sing.

**One word, that's all was said  
Something in your voice called me, turned my head.  
Your smile captured me, you were in my future as far as I could see.  
And I don't know how it happened, but it happens still.  
You ask me if I love you, if I always will**

"Potter? What the hell are you doing? You don't love me! Stop singing or I will have to kill you!"****

Well, you had me from "Hello"   
I felt love start to grow the moment I looked into your eyes,   
You won me, it was over from the start. 

"It can be over now! I can kill you!"

**  
You completely stole my heart, and now you won't let go.  
I never even had a chance you know?  
You had me from "Hello" **

"I don't care when I had you! Stop singing!"****

Inside I built a wall so high around my heart, I thought I'd never fall.  
One touch, you brought it down  
Bricks of my defenses scattered on the ground 

"It would take me all of two words to bring _you _down! You innards would be scattered on the ground!"

**  
And I swore to me that I wasn't going to love again  
The last time was the last time I'd let someone in **

"Well good. Then you don't want to break a promise do you? Stop singing!"****

Well, you had me from "Hello"  
I felt love start to grow the moment I looked into your eyes,  
You won me, it was over from the start. 

"I don't care! Shut up! For the love of Salazar!"

**  
You completely stole my heart, and now you wont let go.  
I never even had a chance you know?  
You had me from "Hello" **

"Then I'll loose you from good bye. Good bye, Potter!"****

Thats all you said  
Something in your voice calls me, turns my head  
You had me from "Hello" 

"Good-bye Potter! Get it? Leave!"

**  
You had me from "Hello"  
Yah, I've loved you from "Hello"**

"Shhhhhhhh," Voldemort cried. Then he noticed the song was over. "Thank you Potter, that was special, I assure you. Now leave."

Harry Bit his lip to keep it from trembling and blinked to keep his tears at bay. "I love you, Voldemort." He sniffed and walked over to Voldemort's desk. Getting down on one knee, he held out a small box. "Will you marry me? Say yes and I will be true to you until the day that I die."

"If I say yes will you leave me alone!" Voldemort growled out.

"Yes, my love. Anything for you," Harry said, his eyes shining with devotion.

"Then I'll marry you!" Voldemort gritted his teeth to keep from flinching when Harry slipped the ring onto his finger. When that was done he grasped Harry by the shoulders, hauled him to his feet and pushed him to the door.

"Now leave," He said, pointing out the open door. Harry stepped over the thresh hold and gave Voldemort that same look of devotion.

"I'll wait for you my love!" Harry cried.

"Voldemort rolled his eyes and slammed the door in Harry's face. He reached to take off the ring and throw it out… But now that he looked at it… It was really quite a nice ring. It would be a shame to loose something so pretty…

He chuckled to himself and sat down at his desk, holding his hand out in front of him to examine. Yes, he decided, he would keep it. Far too lovely to loose.

**A/N- I hope you liked that. The next pairing… Well I'm not sure what it will be but I hope will be as amusing as this one… At least I hope this one was amusing… Please review!**


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